15 Things I Want My 7 Year Old Daughter To Know

by
Our cat eating Barbie

Molly our cat protests at the impossible standard of physical perfection demanded of women which contributes to epidemic cultural body dysmorphia and continued gender inequality…

The Biscuit Thief is turning 7 on… wait for it… 12.12.12. YES she is my magic, alien, mystical baby. In preparation for this milestone, I have been thinking about all the things she is now ready to know:

1. It is awesome that you get yourself dressed for school now, but it’s always good to include pants on the inside of your leggings.

2. An apple is a kind of fruit and a mac is a kind of lightweight coat that keeps the rain off.

3. It is not funny to say “cock” in front of granny even though it appears to make daddy laugh.

4. Barbie is not representative of women. Anywhere. In any way. And the cat was right. (See photo)

5. No, it is not acceptable that, as a woman, you are likely to be paid less than your male counterparts doing the same work. The fight for equality goes on and I’m sorry we still haven’t fixed that for you.

6. The one hour kazoo concert you gave was… unforgettable…and  mummy is REALLY SORRY that she can’t remember where she hid put your kazoo afterwards.

7. Disneyland is closed.

8. The ‘F’word is not ‘fanny’.

9. Shreddies are not really “knitted by nannas”.

10. The Tooth Fairy can do all that stuff because a) she’s magic and b) she’s a woman.

11. The feisty, determined, rule-breaking, wildness in you that is so hard to parent sometimes, is exactly what will make you an awesome adult.

12. It is not going to be possible to meet Rapunzel. She’s a fictional character.

13. There isn’t really such a time as ‘Gin O’Clock’.

14 . Mummy and daddy are not perfect, but we love you very much.

15. Actually, mummy is perfect.

25 thoughts on “15 Things I Want My 7 Year Old Daughter To Know”

  8. As the Dad of a feisty, determined, rule-breaking, door-slamming, sometimes totally impossible to parent 17 year old daughter let me absolutely, unequivocally endorse #11

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  10. I love this list. I will impart some of these gems to my 7-year-old son, with number 16 being: “Yes, mummy is 32 and that never changes, even on her birthday. It’s magic!”

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  11. I think there is such thing as gin o’clock – all those people can’t be wrong! Otherwise you seem to be spot on and your daughter sounds lovely. I hope she has a fantastic 7th birthday.

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  18. You had me at, “the impossible standard of physical perfection demanded of women which contributes to epidemic cultural body dysmorphia and continued gender inequality.” Hilarious post, and informative to boot!

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  20. Loved this & fab photo of the cat! I have to admit that I too have a fantasy that shreddies are really knitted by nannas, I wish they were! So the biscuit thief is a Sagittariun – good luck, as you have probably already discovered they won’t be told and have an almost unhealthy amount of determination – I know this cos I am one! X.

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